#11: Seeing what sticks

Hello my tender little angel babies! I’m glad to find us back together. I thought I had nothing to write about, but it was just a false alarm. Blame it on Mercury retrograde, but right now I feel like the creative wind has been temporarily knocked out of my sails.

That being said, since we’re still channeling the confidence of mediocre bros incapable of self-doubt, we forge ahead. Here’s to a shift in mindset 🕯️

🤔 Am I A Multi-Hyphenate?

It’s been a busy couple of weeks here in Buenos Aires. When I’m not walking Pocho around the neighborhood so he can visit his friends (at Nespresso, at newspaper stand #1, at the vegetable cart, at newspaper stand #2, at the charcuterie shop, etc. etc.), I’ve been occupied with my usual projects - and taking on some new ones.

Last week I shot a commercial (?!) for hair extensions (?!), which I find hilarious for some reason. Foreign companies love to work with local production agencies since it’s so much cheaper here. An unexpected perk of being a native English speaker, then, is automatically being an attractive candidate for on-camera and voiceover roles. Even if you aren’t exactly qualified.

That’s how I ended up playing a hairdresser in an ad for some random (to me) brand. To really get into character, of course I came up with a backstory. Lucy is a bisexual girlypop from the East Coast who moved out to Seattle after a horrible breakup. Passionate about the transformative power of hair, her mission is to bring out her clients’ natural beauty and power by giving them the ‘dos of their dreams. Lucy is optimistic and encouraging and forms long-lasting friendships with everyone that passes through her chair.

Did that convince you? I hope so. And if not, that’s too bad. According to the director, I did a good job, but who can never be sure?

Stay tuned for the final cut! I feel like watching it might make me crawl out of my skin, but I know curiosity will get the best of me in the end.

🎢 4 Good Things I’ve Consumed (That Aren’t Food)

You are what you eat, and when it comes to media consumption the same maxim applies. Remember to curate, question, and diversify! You’ll be a better dinner party guest as a result, which should be something that matters to you. No one likes being stuck next to a drip who has nothing interesting to say.

I love in-depth investigative pieces and multi-part deep-dives just as much as I love the frivolous, vacuous content that serves mostly as an instant dopamine hit. Luckily, today’s world is chock-full of both, and my ADHD-adjacent brain is chuffed with the variety.

Since it seems like we’re all in a constant state of searching for something new to consume, here’s a roundup of cool stuff I’ve been listening to and watching lately.

1. Search Engine Podcast: Why didn’t Chris and Dan get into Berghain?

If you’re anything like me, you were gutted by the demise of the Reply All podcast. Luckily, former host PJ Vogt’s new project Search Engine carries on its legacy by continuing to scour the world high and low for answers to our most pressing questions. It’s familiar yet fresh, a renewed take on a format that made its former iteration so popular in the first place. The perfect podcast for curious (over)consumers of Internet culture.

The two-part episode “Why didn’t Chris and Dan get into Berghain?” explores the burning question asked by thousands (millions?) of people eager to gain coveted access to the world’s most exclusive nightclub. It’s also a history lesson that explores the origins of techno, the nebulous door policies of German bouncers, and serves as an exercise in self-awareness.

2. Netflix Docuseries: America’s Sweethearts - Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders

How far would you go - and how much of yourself would you sacrifice - to achieve your dream? The Netflix docuseries “America’s Sweethearts: Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders” provides a look at the harsh reality behind the NFL’s most profitable franchise and the women that are exploited to further line the pockets of the team’s owners.

To cite a recent Vox piece, the series lifts the veil on a system “built on a pyramid of harmful ideals, sky-high expectations, regressive beauty standards, dangerous physical demands, seductive but false ideas of sisterhood, and exploitative working conditions.” As someone who came of age during a time when the Cowboys cheerleaders were a central part of the beauty ideal zeitgeist, I found it to be a revealing and painful portrait of what it means to be a valued as a woman in society.

(I will say, though, that AC/DC’s “Thunderstruck” really. fucking. slaps.)

Also! Want to take an even deeper dive into the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders machine? Don’t miss the fabulous podcast America’s Girls, available on Spotify.

3. Paris 2024: “El Maligno” Wins Gold for Argentina

God, I LOVE the Olympics. Putting all of my personal and professional responsibilities on the back burner for two weeks so I can dive headfirst into the world of sports is truly one of my favorite parts of being a human. Paris 2024 does not disappoint, from the uber-hot South Korean sharpshooter to Guatemala’s first-ever gold, Snoop Dogg living his best life, and Pommel Horse Guy, it’s been an absolute delight.

(Well, minus the triathletes getting E. coli from swimming in the Seine and the child rapist from the Netherlands who was still somehow allowed to compete, but...)

Argentina was graced with yet another coronación de gloria and the charismatic athlete behind the medal could not be more Argentine - or cordobés, to be precise. José Torres, alias el Maligno, secured the country’s first gold of Paris 2024 in the men’s freestyle BMX final and was promptly promoted to legend status by the entire country.

However, the best part of it all has nothing to do with his athletic talent. Just an hour (!) before competing in the final, Torres confessed in an interview that he’d devised a clever - if unorthodox - means of using the communal e-bikes scattered around the Olympic Village. While other athletes bought locks to secure access to a bike at any given time, he simply removed the seat and took it with him.

His logic was that another person wouldn’t pick a bike that didn’t have all its parts, and would thus leave it there for Torres’s eventual return. Oddly enough, the bikes were indeed taken by others, leaving Torres with a spare bike seat and no ride to his final destination.

Here’s a clip from the interview where he explains it with much more pizazz than I’ve been able to. I love Argentines so much I truly cannot explain.

“Es lo mismo, pero más desprolijo” ← my new approach to life and how I will justify any and all of my actions from here on out. Maligno, tkm.

+ Adding in special mentions for more awesome Argie olympians: Las Leonas made it to the finals (which, depending on when you read this, could be happening ~right now~)  after kicking Germany’s butt in penalties; Sugar Zaddy equestrian José María Larocca, who not only had his best Olympics performance at the age of 55 but also uses his $$$ deep pockets $$$ to help fund other Argentine athletes (like Olympic swimmer Macarena Ceballos); and the multi-faceted fencer Pascual di Tella, who holds a degree in Philosophy and a very posh last name but also gets down with Karl Marx.

4. Reality TV Trainwreck: 90 Day Fiance: Before the 90 Days

If you really want to understand me as a person, you’re going to need to get on the 90 Day Fiancé bandwagon. In my humble opinion, it’s the absolute best (read: most insane) reality TV franchise of all time. Thanks to its endless seasons, 90-minute episodes, and multiple spinoffs, I’ve got plenty of material to feed my addiction.

The original premise is based on a U.S. citizen with intentions of marrying a foreigner; they can obtain what’s called a K-1 visa that allows their beloved to enter the country, but the two must marry within 90 days of their arrival. Sure, OK, sounds normal, whatever.

No, it’s not normal. The people that TLC manages to find are some of the most delusional, desperate, and deranged humans on the planet. Which makes for the best TV out there. It’s a chaotic mashup of cultural clashes, language barriers, dramatic age differences, actual catfishing, and unrealistic expectations. Think of as many red flags as you can, then multiply it by 100.

I’m currently knee-deep in season five of 90 Day Fiancé: Before the 90 Days, which I think is one of the best seasons yet. There’s a sweet but deeply uncool guy convinced he has to get engaged to the Colombian woman he’s only known online after spending just two weeks in person together, a 50-year-old single mom from San Diego who flies all the way to Zanzibar (!) to seduce a much younger Nigerian rapper with whom she’s completely obsessed, a former pastor who’s 100% convinced that - despite having fallen victim to a catfish once before - the Peruvian girl half his age named Mahogany who refuses to video chat him is very real and very much dying to move to the U.S. to be his wife. And so much more.

As much as I appreciate the show’s ability to make me feel better about my own life choices, it’s hard not to feel deep sympathy for the people participating. After all, at the end of the day we just want to love someone and be loved in return, right? Sometimes it’s almost too hard to watch and the cringe factor grows too high; most of the time though it’s exactly what my rotten little brain needs.

If you’re overwhelmed by the sheer amount of seasons and spinoffs from the 90 Day universe, this 2020 piece published by Vulture is an excellent guide to getting started. Bon voyage and please keep me posted on your progress.

🍅 BA’s Best Bloody Marys

I’ve been back on a Bloody Mary kick these days, and I’m not sure why. But I am grateful that you can finally get a decent one in more than a few spots around town. Let it be known that I’m of the belief that a Bloody really isn’t meant to be enjoyed past lunchtime, but I’m not here to yuck anyone else’s yum.

Also, the world is ending! If you want to have a Bloody Mary at 2am, you should go ahead and do it! Why would you ever listen to me!

Chuí

Go for the lush jungle setting and innovative plant-based menu, stay for the spicy fresh Bloody. It’s an instant classic that really hits the spot. Absolutely perfect for a sunny weekend lunch that extends well into late afternoon. Chuí, tkm.

Chuí - Loyola 1250 - Villa Crespo

Anafe

It’s hard to compete with one of the ~* coolest *~ sidewalks in the city, where terminally hip artist types mingle with rescue greyhounds and international in-the-know tourists. Lunch al fresco at Anafe is one of the best ways to spend a balmy afternoon, and I always show up a little early so I can sip on a Bloody before putting in my food order. Like everything Anafe does, it’s both elevated and effortless.

Anafe - Virrey Avilés 3216 - Colegiales

Casa Cavia

Fan of the Bloody Mary flavor, but not the texture? On the hunt for a level of coctelería that can’t be found just anywhere? Look no further than the bar at Casa Cavia. The creativity and skill of Flavia Arroyo, Pablo Zitarosa, and Tomi Tripaglia results in a truly impressive roster of new and classic creations, and their decidedly modern take on a Bloody Mary will challenge everything you thought you knew.

Casa Cavia - Cavia 2985 - Palermo

BASA

BASA is a place that just gets it. Sleek sexy décor, dishes that feel both current and timeless - never tired, and a bar so good I never felt the need to leave the neighborhood (yes, I used to live half a block away and it was absolutely glorious). I’d follow Ludo de Biaggi to the end of the earth to solve any and all of my cocktail needs, and his Bloody Mary is undoubtedly a local icon.

BASA - Basavilbaso 1328 - Retiro

Cafe Tabac

Are you secretly 85 years old? Do you prioritize vibes over execution? Must your cocktails be served with a mini platter of tea sandwiches and potato chips? Then Tabac is where you’ll need to order your next Bloody Mary. It might not be the most refined, but it’s hard to argue with its privileged location + people watching combo. Just close your eyes and go with it.

Cafe Tabac - Av. del Libertador y Coronel Díaz - Palermo

The Four Seasons (Poolside)

Back in the Before Times™️ when one of the few perks of a crashing economy and multiple exchange rates meant you could treat yourself to a full spa day at a luxury hotel for something like $100, I’d indulge in a poolside moment at the Four Seasons every now and again. It’s hard to beat the feeling of sitting under a big umbrella, wearing a fluffy bathrobe, and sipping on a fat Bloody Mary. Those halcyon days are mostly behind us, but the delicate (and potent) nostalgia lingers on.

Four Seasons - Posadas 1086 - Recoleta

Los Galgos

94 years young, Los Galgos is perhaps my favorite bar notable in town. Buzzing with new life yet firmly rooted in tradition, it’s the perfect spot for a morning cafecito, pre-dinner aperitivo, or postprandial nightcap at the cozy bar upstairs. The commitment to serving classic Argentine cocktails - such as the Ferroviario - alongside more universal favorites sets Los Galgos apart from the rest. Its Bloody Mary is best enjoyed with stimulating sobremesa conversation or an old copy of the New Yorker muled back to town in someone’s carry-on.

Los Galgos - Av. Callao 501 - Congreso

Alright babes, I’m going to listen to this album for the 29,598th time because I’m a creature of habit and find deep comfort in rituals that offer a sense of predictability at a time when everything else is absolutely off the wall.

As always, the fact that you tune in twice a month to consume whatever is percolating in the Tutti Fruttiverse brings me so much joy and gratitude I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to articulate it into words.

If you need me, I’ll be buying lemons on the corner and avoiding the bills I have to pay.

Until next time,

Paige

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