#9: Such sweet sorrow

I’m writing this newsletter freshly after having said goodbye to three special souls that left Buenos Aires in search of new horizons.

I’m extremely happy for them, but I’d be lying if I said it didn’t fucking suck.

Despedida culture (is that a thing? Well, it is now) is part of the experience of living abroad. Some cities are inherently more transient than others, I suppose, and the reality is if you stay in one place long enough you’ll have to endure your fair share of goodbyes.

For some reason, I thought it might get easier as the years went on; something about muscle memory or generally becoming inured to the emotional distress. I’ve found the opposite to be true, however, like my heart has grown more tender, vulnerable, and susceptible to the acute sense of loss.

When I first moved to Argentina, my primary goal was to become fluent in Spanish. To achieve this, I figured it was in my best interest to make as many local friends as possible. This was also a subconscious attempt at developing a despedida-proof social circle*; I knew that if I only hung out with other foreigners I’d be more likely to watch them move onto greener pastures at some point.

(*Joke’s on me, since I’ve watched over a dozen of my close Argentine friends pack their bags and get out of Dodge as well.)

I remember one year I lost something like 10 friends in the span of six weeks. Some I’d known were never going to be in Buenos Aires long-term; others decided that after several years it was time to seek out a place with better financial stability and professional prospects.

Living in a city as dynamic and international as Buenos Aires expands your tribe exponentially, introducing you to more brilliant, fascinating, and special people than you could have ever imagined. It also breaks your heart open so viscerally, over and over, every time you have to part ways.

In the darker moments, you wonder if it’s worth it. But once that initial bajón subsides, you realize that this is what life is all about. Crossing paths and connecting with others - often from walks of life you’d never have encountered had you stayed in your bubble back home - and understanding that the risk of the sadness you’ll feel if (when) they leave is indubitably outweighed by the joy that comes from having known them.

In the meantime? We forge on. And as “lifers” that stay behind, we find ourselves with an ever-growing network of found family across the globe, reassured by the knowledge that there’ll be a friendly face in every city.

(Did this entire first section sound a little too much like Kamala’s now-iconic “What can be, unburdened by what has been” situation? Please forgive me and promise you’ll keep reading 🥲)

👯 Friendship in Argentina

July 20 is Friends’ Day (Día del Amigo) in Argentina. Yes, a whole day dedicated to friendship. How (and why) did this come to be? If I told you it had to do with the moon landing, would you believe me?

That’s right. On July 20, 1969 the Apollo 11 landed on the moon and changed the world forever. Argentine dentist Enrique Febbraro was so deeply moved by the spectacle, considering it as sentimentally significant as it was historic. He believed that one small step for man was indeed one giant leap for friendship between humanity and the universe itself. (I wonder what he was smoking because I kind of want some.)

From his office in Lomas de Zamora, Febbraro sent over 1,000 postcards to different cities around the world, with the hopes that his vision would spread. To his surprise, he received 700 responses supporting his idea. A decade later, the Government of the Buenos Aires Province finally made Día del Amigo official through the publication of Decree 235/79.

I have a podcast that tackles, among other things, what it’s like to experience Argentine culture as a foreigner. The episode about friendship is an all-time classic, if I do say so myself.

You can (and should) take a listen below, and if you want to really be a friend, you should subscribe to the podcast as well. It’s what Enrique would have wanted.

17 Things I’ve Inherited From Friends That Have Left BA

Listen, watching friends leave never gets easier, but it is fun when they let you take their stuff. It’s a curious consolation prize, a sweet and specific reminder of your bond and the experiences shared together.

Without further ado, here are 17 treasures that I’ve accrued over 17 years living in Buenos Aires.

💜 Lilac Beret

I don’t think I’ve ever worn it outside of my house, but now that the weather is cold, I can flirt with the possibility of creating an entirely different personality based on this beret. Every time I try it on I look less like Jane Birkin and more like a crusty gaucho, so if you have any styling tips please send them my way.

🍗 Roasting Pan

Too small for a Thanksgiving turkey but perfect for a Sunday roast chicken, this is one of my most prized possessions. I like to think of it as a modern heirloom, which you can pry from my cold, dead hands.

🧞‍♀️ Himalayan Salt Lamp

One of my favorite hand-me-downs and more recent acquisitions, this silly lamp has actually brought me the inner peace I’ve been seeking since being born in 1986.

🥫 Various Condiments and Sauces

All in varying degrees of expiry, of course. I don’t care, honestly. Part of the appeal is that it allows me to cosplay having a pantry that would replicate something I’d have if I lived in the US again. It really doesn’t matter if that Thai spice pack expired back in 2019; her presence comforts me.

🛍️ Never-Used Gift Bags (Birthday and Holiday Themed)

These are extremely clutch and should not be underestimated. Gift bags here SUCK. Truly terrible, they’re either shoddy paper bags that come in one of four horrendous shades or some printed plastic abomination that will kill as much marine life as possible once it’s thrown away and ends up in the Río de la Plata. Take note: if you receive a gift from me and it comes in one of these bad boys, you’re on my VIP list.

🍷 Stemless Wine Glasses

Never turn down the gift of glassware. If you have a dog with an errant tail or clumsy significant other, stemless wine glasses are your best friend.

❓ Mystery Box

This ended up containing literal trash, so I’m still wondering if it was a shady prank from the person that gave it to me.

🛀 Huge Bag of Fancy Bath Salts

I love baths. They’re so luxurious! However, my apartment’s tub has water jets, which are triggering to me as a life-long germaphobe. No matter how deeply I clean them, I’m never fully satisfied or at ease. So the fancy bath salts linger, holding onto the hope that one day they’ll break free and fulfill their purpose. That probably won’t ever happen. Please, don’t tell them.

💡 Cool Statement Lamp

Lighting is everything, people! Too many apartments are ruined by poor lightbulb curation. When I was newly separated and living in a temporary apartment (More, tkm <3), this lamp joined me on that journey. I knew I needed a little dose of something familiar and chic to counterbalance my absolutely distraught emotional state, and it worked. Thank you, lamp.

🏋️ Ankle Weights

Listen, we can’t all afford the Tracy Anderson method. These saved me during the fever dream that was quarantine and let me feel my Jane Fonda fantasy. One of them was kind of torn so the sand (?) that was inside would leak out, but whatever. I’m pretty sure I lost these in the chaos of my move, though. Le sigh. I guess my beach bod will have to wait.

🖼️ Painted Portrait of My Friend That Left

This was less a gift and more of a loan, one of those “This doesn’t fit in my suitcase, can you hang on to it for me until I come back to BA to visit?” Stashed away in a service bathroom that doubled as a utility closet, the painting haunted anyone who laid their eyes on it. I’ll let you guess if the person ever came back to claim his belongings. Adam, you owe me one.

💅 Gold Metallic False Eyelashes

I relate to magpies on several levels, as I too am deeply intelligent, can recognize myself in a mirror, and enjoy hoarding objects (shiny or otherwise). You never know when you’re going to need a set of ridiculous lashes to levantar el look or blend in at a fabulous fete. Alas, they’re almost too precious to use - since I can’t just go out and replace them right away - so in my bathroom storage they remain, a fabulous reminder of the person to whom they once belonged.

🏺 Ceramic Vessels

Make friends with talented people. Make friends with creative people. Make friends with talented, creative people. The smattering of handmade pottery my friends left me acts like a reverse souvenir, a cherished memory of their presence in my life and the artistic gift the universe bestowed upon them. Also, it just sounds cool to be like, “Oh yeah, that coffee pitcher? My BA friend who now lives in Maine made it.”

🧑‍🍳 Vintage Copy of The Joy of Cooking

I still can’t believe the person I got this from was giving away her mother’s beloved cookbook - annotated margins and all. Maybe she was deep in her Marie Kondo era and tossing stuff willy nilly. Did she not understand what it really means to spark joy? Her loss, anyway. I’ll admit this book is slightly more decorative than it is utilitarian in my household, but I love knowing that it’ll be there should the need arise.

🥂 Disposable Champagne Flutes

¡Un brindis, chicos! Sometimes you don’t want to whip out the fancy flutes or chic coupes, you know? These are ideal for the first sunny spring day in November when we’re all itching to shed our layers and feel the sun’s warm glow on our skin. So pack a bag and head to the park, where you’ll sprawl for a few hours as the dogs play and sniff and beg for food from strangers. Bring a bottle of fizz, and maybe some fresh fruit to go with it. You’re surrounded by violet jacaranda blooms and all is right with the world.

🪴 Plants

In true lesbian fashion, I’m a passionate plant parent. As a humanitarian, I’m proud to say that I’ve taken many abandoned plants under my wing and given them a stable home.

Lemon Pothos

This bb girl has absolutely flourished under my care. She makes me believe in myself, which is more than I can say for most of you reading this. (Sorry, I’m PMSing. I didn’t mean that.)

Spider Plant

This beast came in a ceramic planter so heavy the movers could barely lift it and place it on my balcony. But I love this plant because it’s low maintenance and is happy to just do its own thing. Well done, spider plant.

Rubber Fig

I’m definitely a gomero girl. This angel went absolutely wild after coming to my house in her youth, and I never tired of watching her new growth and dark green leaves soak up the sun. Sadly, she is now a child of divorce but I want to believe she’s still living her best life up on the 14th floor overlooking the Retiro train station.

💁‍♀️ Chunky Knit Sweater

Everybody needs at least one good chunky knit in their life. This sweater makes me feel like the easygoing bohemian person that I have not ever been in my 37 years on this planet. Needless to say, she does a lot of emotional heavy lifting.

🌸 Musical Interlude

Listening to and loving Gilda is a fundamental building block of any Argentine cultural education. Her meteoric rise to fame and tragic untimely death at 34 contribute to the legend surrounding her talent.

Anyway, I listen to this song anytime someone has to say goodbye and you know what? Crying on the street remains one of the most underrated ways to spend an afternoon.

How are we feeling? That was kind of a lot, no? Sorry, it’s just not in my nature to be anything but long-winded and maudlin. I definitely could have written another 2,300 words about friendship and farewells; who knows, I’ll probably start working on a part two as soon as this one is finished.

I’ll close with this. Whenever a skeptical Argentine looks at me quizzically, genuinely wondering why I would ever choose to live here, I always respond the same way: Argentina me lo ha dado todo.

Friends, family, a career, a purpose. I have nothing but gratitude at the end of the day. When I sit and think about all of the incredible people that I’ve met over the years, I feel like the luckiest girl on the planet. Sure, it’s hard to watch them leave, but I know they’re not really gone.

Besides, I’ll always have Pocho.

Until next time,

Paige

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